If Your Operating System Was An Airline

Main Index

Humour Index

This has been around for a long time, and dates back to very early releases of most of the operating systems we now "enjoy".  Hopefully you'll still get some enjoyment from it, and some things have changed remarkably little.  It has been (slightly) updated from the time when Windows 3.1 was "king".

DOS Airlines

Everybody pushes the aeroplane until it glides, then they all jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again.  Then push again, jump on again and so on.

MAC Airlines

All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers and ticket agents look the same, talk the same, and act the same.  Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped 10 different times, by standing in 10 different lines.  Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit, and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus.  If you finally succeed in getting on board the plane, and if it succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip ...

Except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you are assured of plenty of time to say your prayers and get yourself fully prepared before the crash.

The airport terminal is nice and colourful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane and an uneventful takeoff ... then the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.

We are told that this is one of the safest planes in the air, for as long as it stays there.  No-one has actually ever been able to determine how long this is.  The plane flies well enough, but it is a bit tedious for passengers who have to rebuild the plane every time they change video channels or the dinner menu.

Everyone brings one piece of the aeroplane with them when they come to the airport.  Then they all go out onto the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of a plane they are building.

The plane is remarkably similar to the ones used by Win 3.1 Airlines and the terminal is even more colourful, except it takes the engines 5 times longer to start turning.  Once in the air, the flight is smooth and quite fast, and then the plane blows up for no reason whatsoever - although you are offered one or more methods to stop this from happening, and one day one of them might actually work.